(confronting) The Duty and Honour of a Caretaker

It's times like these when I wonder if I want to stay in this industry. The sheep are getting stuck in dams and I can't stop it happening. They're jumping fences to find the best feed they can (they're not short on feed but the grass is always better on the other side), and sometimes getting caught in that fence. The weaners are the most susceptible as they don't have much power in their body to pull themselves out of mud or a fence.

Finding the will power to stomach the stench of rotting flesh as you try and drag a carcass out of the dam is not easy. The fire rake you're using to hook through the rib cage cracks the dry brittle bones and pulls layers of wool and skin off as you dry retch. You keep pulling at it, again, and again, the sucking sound of wool in deep mud echoing through your mind. You force yourself to deal with the maggots and dead flesh because the rest of the mob needs that water. You turn away to get a breath of fresh air so you don't vomit and then you try again, only to discover that the dams sucking power is too much for your body's strength to overcome. You assess whether the carcass is too far gone to attach a rope to it and tow it out with the ute. If it's not then you block your nose, grit your teeth and put your hands into that rotting mess. If it is, then you have to make sure the stock have another water source until that dam returns to drinking quality. 

It's not easy looking at a healthy wether that you've untangled from a fence, assessing his state and knowing that the extent of his leg damage is reason enough to end his life. It's not easy pulling the trigger and watching his last movements as he twitches into death. It's not easy watching to make sure he is dead and to witness his death. I refuse to let an animal die stranded and alone if I can help it. 

Life on the land is hard; it's heart breakingly, gut wrenchingly hard. So why do I do it? If it makes me want to vomit and leaves my heart aching so much that tears don't touch the pain; why do I do it? I do it because I care, I do it because the animals we consume deserve that much. We are going to farm them and have a livestock industry because meat is part of a human diet. Therefore, I'm going to be part of this industry. I won't stand by and let these animals be farmed by people who care less than I do. Their lives deserve to be honoured and I believe I do that, I won't back away from that duty. There may be days when it is just too much for my soul to bear, on those days I will take time out. Rest assured I'll be back the very next morning with a fresh outlook, trying to make this industry better in any way I possibly can. 

This industry is not for the faint of heart, it is not for those looking to make a quick dollar and it is not for those who lack compassion. It is for those who care, for those who are tough and for those who will put their own needs aside to provide a certain level of quality to another's life - be it human or animal. I understand that some of what I have written may be confronting, it may shock you and make you want to condemn the farming of animals. That is not my intent at all, my point is this: farmers care. You may not always see it (particularly with male farmers) because we do not show the pain we feel to the world. We bear it in silence for the sake of that animal. We do not make a fuss about it because creating a fuss does not help the animal, us, or the industry. So why am I contradicting myself and making a fuss by writing this? I believe that this industry needs a larger support base to achieve continued innovation. I believe helping the rest of the world to understand that we do not farm based purely on profit is important. We are not cruel, money hungry land owners. We are caretakers, of this land and our animals. We always will be. In short, I am willing to be the voice that creates a fuss if it means that the rest of the world can understand the true nature of what we do. I am willing to speak of my pain and heart break and to let my words speak for any one who feels as I do; for those who do not make a fuss. 

A Little Crazy Goes A Long Way

It is so easy to get caught up in the natural flow of every day life out here on the farm. It's also very easy to take pretty pictures on the farm, and as much as I love bringing you those snapshots that is not the purpose behind this blog and Facebook page. 

For those of you who are new to Life on the Land, here's the reason why it exists. A very brief and simplistic overview of our world is this: the global population is exponentially increasing, the land available for producing raw products, that become food and clothing, is not currently growing (I say currently for a specific reason but that's a fanciful thought for another time). So, more people + the same viable land = a need for technology and societal understanding. The technologies will help us to utilise that land in an optimal fashion WHILE maintaining it in a sustainable fashion for generations to come. Why does the agricultural industry need the general population to understand what we do? It's simple really; the number of people needed to run farms, ranches or stations keeps decreasing as technology allows us to expand the amount of land we can manage as single enterprises. This results in a simple ratio; the number of people working at the basic level of agriculture (on the land) vs. the number of people working and living in cities. It becomes apparent that the majority of the population, that in most countries have voting power or at least governmental sway, live in an area that often disconnects them from where the products they consume start out. We need the understanding of this section of population to ensure the government helps us to continue innovating and improving agriculture without jeopardising the livelihood of the hard working providers within this industry.

I personally believe this vast population is disconnected in another way (this is purely an opinion). I believe wastage is a large issue in urban populations. On our farm we butcher our own meat and we consume the bulk of it, we vary our meals so we eat roasts, chops, racks of ribs, shanks, neck chops, riblets, flaps and so on. When you see the process of skinning and gutting, of setting the meat, of cutting the animal up and bagging off the different cuts; you attain a different appreciation for that meat. Eating every single part of that animal becomes a way to honour the fact that it's life is no longer. The disconnect is that many people pick and choose which cuts they prefer, now I don't blame them for that. I prefer to eat chops, T-bones, roasts and rump as well. However, I cannot bring myself not to eat the whole animal as I would be taking more lives, more regularly; for no reason other than my satisfaction. The amount of food I see going to waste in restaurants, in shopping centres, in the cuts that are not sold at a supermarket - it makes me sad. I am happy to grow animals for eating, as long as those who eat them honour the life that is no longer in their own way. 

I believe in agriculture, I believe in providing for our human race and I believe in providing animals with the healthiest, happiest life possible. In order to keep ALL of these things happening sustainably we need people to understand and support agriculture; to honour the lives of those animals we eat. I can almost hear some of you thinking 'What if I only eat vegetables?'  That's fine, that's your choice, but please understand and respect that some of us choose to eat meat. Please think about the fact that not all of the land we grow produce on can support vegetable farming and not all farms would remain profitable if mixed farming was not allowed (livestock/cropping). If what we can grow becomes limited through laws based upon a lack of understanding, much of the land we utilise currently may revert to it's natural state as opposed to growing something else. 

Let's get back to the reason for this blog and Facebook page though. I would be incredibly sad if my future children did not have the opportunity to consider the agricultural industry as a profitable career path. The aim is to provide information, to answer any questions anyone may have, and to help people get back to basics. I believe that reconnecting to our roots, to the way things grow, and respecting the natural cycles of life will help curb wastage, increase the support for agriculture and therefore sustain it's viability. Life on the Land is about so much more than mass production, it's a way of life and one that needs to be preserved; for those who live that life, and for those who benefit from the produce we offer. 

So if any of what I've written rings true in your heart, please share this far and wide. Without the shares I cannot reach those that are disconnected, if we work together we can change this world. We can make it a world that respects it's roots and honours the lives within it. On the other hand, if something I've written strikes you as wrong or disturbs you, please message me. I'm always open to new points of view and I'm not aiming to offend anybody in any way. 

*Please bear in mind that I'm basing this overview on Australia and that I realise there are many more countries that provide raw agricultural products but I do not have firsthand knowledge of what goes on there. I am in no way an expert - just a farmer trying to make a difference. 

A Charmed Lifestyle

As I stand upon this hill,

Surrounded by degrees.

Three sixty, if you will..

Minus wind, plus some C's.

I see field bins shining bright,

And headers cutting rows.

Dust hovering in mid flight,

Full trucks crawl, oh so slow.

I see sheep beneath the trees.

Their stomachs full, bellies round.

Waiting out the evening breeze, 

'fore they walk that stubble down.

I see birds soaring high,

Swooping down on fact, not hunch.

Nailing unsuspecting mice,

Snatching up their fill of lunch. 

I see clear blue, dots of white,

Golden rays, and hazy waves

Of heat beating down til night.

A cool breeze ends summer days.

I feel pride in this wide view,

My heart filled with joy, I smile.

For I love this, just as you.

The charms of a country lifestyle.

Update

To any of you who follow this blog, I've tried to make it more accessible by creating a Facebook page for it as well. Head to Life on the Land - Emily Charlotte Ann and you'll get constant updates. :)

Sacrifice

Life on the land, and producing the raw products that allow us the lives we are accustomed to, comes with many sacrifices. 

We sacrifice our innocence. Each time we put an animal down we are putting their need to be out of pain above our need not to take another life. 

~ We gain the knowledge that we have done what is right by them.

We sacrifice being a large part (2-6 years) of our children's childhood so they can have an education. We send them to boarding school and ask them to grow up before many other children do. 

~ We gain the knowledge that they will have the best start in their life whatever they choose to do.

We as children sacrifice our need to be at home with our parents because we trust that they are doing the right thing by us. We trust in a need for education and a need for life on the land that means we can't move to the city. 

~ We gain the knowledge of love and what our parents are willing to give up for us.

We sacrifice our time in many, many ways. Our mornings to the bushfire radio, our sleep ins to the school bus, our weekends to the stock that need food and water, our school holidays and family festivities to harvest. 

~ We gain the ability to see past our own needs. 

We sacrifice our well being at times. If a fire goes up we drop everything to ensure all lives are safe, that minimal damage is done and that it can't re-ignite. 

~ We gain the feeling of safety in knowing people will come to our aid just as we do for them. 

We sacrifice the ability to have a 9-5 job that doesn't necessarily require our attention once we get home again. We don't have a job and a life, they are one and the same. 

~ We gain a much larger sense of satisfaction in each work task as it's also a life achievement.

Life on the land is in many ways one large sacrifice, yet we choose it willingly. We choose to let our children grow up in this lifestyle, we choose the small town communities, we choose the non-stop work and pushing through the need for a sleep in or a weekend. We choose this life on the land because we believe in what we provide to the world and we believe in the benefits it provides us. With every sacrifice is a positive effect for ourselves and those around us. They are not always tangible and we sometimes lose sight of them on the journey through everyday life but they are always there. 

Even the little benefits like the things I get to photograph are worthwhile in a very large way. 

Yesterday's beautiful afternoon muster, warm sun and a cool breeze plus happy weaners. :)

This moth is very deceptive, he almost looks like a spider with those fake legs!

Full bins, money coming back in after a year of expenditure.

Birds of prey keeping up surveillance. They're there I promise! Just to the right of the leaning dead tree, sitting on a dead branch above the still growing branches. 

Depression

The cold seems to shroud her with an unfathomable indifference to her surroundings. Her muscles shake and shiver uncontrollably, attempting to warm her from the inside out. Her body fights to emanate that heat throughout her but it's fighting a losing battle. It's as futile as pouring rain back into a cloud. The numbness she feels stems from within, from the deepest darkest depths of herself. Her physicality does not stand a chance against such a force, the enveloping indifference stops her feeling warm, feeling joy, feeling hope. She has nothing but a cold exterior to give to the world, a facade to hide the abyss of pain that yaws within her. It swirls and sucks as a black hole would, pulling her down into it, making her succumb to the fears and the doubts. It feeds off her inadequacies and the longer she spends stuck in the darkness the colder she gets. The more distance she puts between herself and others, because who could ever want to reach through all the darkness, the fear, the doubt and the bitterness to try and help her see the light? This is a battle she fights alone and it starts with warmth, with a shred of comfort, with a thought so small and so fragile, yet so filled with hope. Maybe...

The screen door slams with an almighty thwack as she walks back into the house. She squats down in front of the firebox with an easy strength and manoeuvres the kindling and the paper she set there so many days ago. She reaches for the matches, slides open the drawer and selects one. There's no criteria, no favouritism, it's just random selection and yet she can't help but wonder if one of the other matches would set her on a different path, a better path. As her muscles spasm from the aching cold again, she quickly strikes the match watching it flare into a radiant brilliance. It mesmerises her, the way it lights up and flickers and sways. No darkness and no pain, it dances down to her fingertips and it's not until it burns the very tips of them that she realises she hasn't lit the fire. She shakes the flame off her fingers and stares at the twisted blackened remnants of such a beautiful, light, joyous dance. It doesn't resemble that shining beacon in the slightest anymore, it's merely a shadow of a moment, smouldering in the remains of such an intense beauty. Blackened and twisted into the sooty mess that comes after. Mentally shaking herself by the shoulders she gets a grip on the next match. Maybe... Maybe this one? She strikes it and is careful not to let its seductive dance mesmerise her again, setting it to the paper she watches the flames lick across each other. She smiles as they meld into each other, creating a bigger better warmth, sending light into the sooty mess of the fireplace and her soul. As the small twigs are consumed by the heat and the light, she watches them fade into nothing but swirling ash and she feels the tug at her heart. The most blinding lights fade into the darkest shadows. At least she's lit it now though, that's more than she's done in a long time. Maybe... Maybe she thinks.

Depression is a very real thing in this industry. The seasons aren't always kind and that can be utterly heartbreaking. Debt can build to what seems to be an insurmountable mountain and the isolation can drive you nuts at times. I've often heard people say that the suicide rate in rural areas is much higher than urban areas. I am unaware if this is true, but I believe it could be due to two things. One, that people in the ag industry have easy access to ways to commit suicide. Two, that it's easy to shut yourself away from other people, letting the depression take hold. Many people will never admit that they struggle to the point of having depression but many people will self treat as well. It's amazing what the wind in your face on a motorbike can awaken in you, or taking time to watch a sunset. What we do has highly emotional consequences at times, what with euthanising, whole crops being taken by natural forces, or economic downturns. The trick is to be attentive to your moods, don't deny them or ignore them. When you feel yourself being pulled down and getting out of bed becomes a chore, that's when you take time out for yourself or do something satisfying because there are happy times in what we do as well. Watching sheep kick their heels up or play at head butt fights, seeing swallows dip through the air, watching a fleece being thrown through the air in the shearing shed. It's not all bad but you have to remember to look for the good some days. 

The Assault on Farmland

There is a huge difference between farm practices when looking at my grandparents generation, and the current farming generation. When my grandfather first started out on this farm with his brothers he cleared the bulk of the bush, scrub and trees with a cable blade dozer. It was all about clearing as much as possible to gain as much farmland as possible. (The sad part is, all those huge red gums were burnt as nobody wanted red gum timber when you could have jarrah!) Times change as we grow and learn, as resources diminish and different things become profitable. 

My fathers generation got to farm into cleared land with minimal problems to begin with. However, as time goes by the land obviously begins to show the long term effects of actions like clearing. With the removal of that much vegetation, that was tapping into the water table, comes a rise in that water table. For those of you who live in areas with constant and static water table levels this may be a different idea for you. Our water table fluctuates from winter to summer, with a low rainfall season it can stay low and that can affect our dam water supply quite seriously. There are sections of our farm that are low lying and have bores in them, the bore casing on these is above ground by at least a foot and in winter time the water level pushes up this casing to above ground level. This leaves parts of our farm too wet to crop in winter and with the rising water table comes salt. 

The bare parts in this photo are where the salt in the water table essentially burns any pasture that tries to grow. These are what we call salt scalds and they appear in salty creek lines and low lying areas. There are spots where rock lines beneath the ground stop water flowing and salt scalds can break out around these ridges as well. So clearing trees leads to salt problems which can make previously viable land uncroppable. If the land isn't growing anything, it's also unusable for stock. 

The change in practices is this, we now plant areas of our farm into salt tolerant trees. Sometimes blue gums or sheoaks, this method doesn't cure the salt but it can reduce the effects by pushing the water table down as they 'drink' the water. We also fence off areas of natural vegetation so that new trees can sucker up, thus ensuring those diminishing resources (timber and firewood) are being replenished as well. 

The sheep haven't been in this paddock while it was cropped and there are myriads of little gum trees suckering up. Today's job is to fix the fence around these trees to ensure the trees continue growing and to give us a better chance of halting the salinity problems. 

As times change and knowledge grows the practices we use alter, we adapt to that knowledge. We don't continue to do exactly what we've done for the past 50 years. We innovate, and attempt to make sure the land we farm is being utilised in a sustainable way.